President Eye Candy

On Tuesday, with foreign ambassadors and leaders coming to a summit at the U.N. (to talk about high ideals that no one has any intention to live to), President Obama made it his intentions smooth over the relations with a little known country made up primarily of Harpy Women.

Oh god! They’re worse than I imagined.

Actually, no, these are apparently women, human women, in our country. It’s “The View,” and from almost watching a clip of it, my understanding is that all the “women” on the show make the loudest barnyard noises they can think after they take Barbara Walters out of her frozen tomb and pump her full of uppers. Someone said that Rosie O’Donnell used to be on it and I threw up all my coffee back into my coffee.

And these were the… things… President Barack Obama decided were more important to visit than any foreign leader coming into New York. No, I know what you’re thinking: he did not go to banish them with the help of an old Catholic Priest back to Beezlebub’s lair in the deepest pits of hell. He went to “talk” to them.

During the interview, Obama referred to himself as “just eye candy here” (don’t give them any ideas, I’m sure they’d peck the eyes right out!) and I think it was the first piece of hard journalism Barbara Walters has been involved in since covering the Emancipation Proclamation.

After the gaff of snubbing Israeli President Netanyahu in order to make time for David Letterman, one would think that President Obama would make time to visit all those Middle East Leaders he made such a fuss apologizing to after the election. This year marks the first time in 20 years the sitting president did not meet with other heads of State. While Hillary Clinton is stepping into the role of greeter to foreign leaders, the president reveals that he’s a good, no, great, smile on a person on a ballet.

The current face of U.S. Foreign Policy. I don’t blame you, Hillary, I feel like I need a drink, too.

And this post is in no means to bash Clinton in her current role. For good or ill, Hillary has been the only member of the president’s cabinet who has been tireless in her job and honestly probably the only source of credibility in a gang of academic goons. But there is distinct differences between meeting a Secretary to the President of the United States and meeting the President of the United States.

Towel-Boy Jay Carney answered that if the President met with one foreign leader, he would need to meet with ten. Sometimes I want to smack that 47 year old boy upside the face: isn’t that his job? Isn’t that the whole god-damned point of a President?

So President Eye Candy goes on The View, shirking his foreign relation responsibilities after, you know, that whole Ambassador being killed in a “friendly” state we helped create thing. Do you think that meeting with the Libyan President, who has repeatedly affirms that the attack was solely an Al Qaeda driven plot, could help clarify this point to the President, who as late of Wednesday still vilifies the video as the culprit? Do you think that the looming threat of a double-dip recession and inflamed tensions would be good enough reason to pull out some of that “charm ” I hear Barack-You didn’t build that-Obama is famous for?

When he did go infront of the U.N., of course he made up for it with a consistent, strong message for the rest of the world admire, right? Well, no, he just explained his interventionist policies in Syria and Libya while spouting platitudes he probably memorized off a poster of a whale leaping. Here are the top 5 from that speech.

5.They should remind us that so long as we work for it, justice will be done, that history is on our side, and that a rising tide of liberty will never be reversed

4.True democracy demands that citizens cannot be thrown in jail because of what they believe, and that businesses can be open without paying a bribe. (Unless you make a video of Mohammed or  work in the Healthcare industry).

3.In every culture, those who love freedom for themselves must ask themselves how much they’re willing to tolerate freedom for others. (Well I’ll be damned)

2.We must seize this moment, and America stands ready to work with all who are willing to embrace a better future. (Any takers?)

1.The road is hard, but the destination is clear. (Profound).

Ear Candy. Coupled with Eye Candy, he’s all the makings of a real President.

Taxpayer reader, you’re the boss. By the People, For the People, that actually means something. And you just caught your employee Barry chatting up the honeys on Facebook, phoning in his work while neglecting his obligations (and believe me, he’s a repeat offender). What are you going to do?

As a real testament to the effect this type of behavior, consider what the King Abdullah II said on the Jon Stewart show, that we’re making too big a deal out of him not being able to meet with the President. At least you’ll be able to tell your kids one day that it used to be a big deal for foreign leaders to meet with the Leader of the Free World. (And when pogs were the sh*t). Abdullah didn’t need to sit with Obama to hear his Whale Poster B.S., and you don’t have to reelect him for it.

Brian Gross is a long time Pen Pal of King Abdullah, who has yet to write back. Support him by sending this article to 3 of your dearest enemies.


Stimulating Lies: How America’s Bailout is being Resold

David Firestone wrote in the Sunday Editorials of the New York Times an engaging article about how the universally-canned stimulus package was actually a success. He cites “The New New Deal,” Michael Grunwald’s new book which vindicates the most heinous example of Government over-reach in efforts to recast President Obama not as the lightweight scrapper from Chicago who won the hearts of America but the 21st century’s Franklin Roosevelt. And if it’s in a book it has to be true (look out for pigs trying to walk on two feet).

Oh sweet, a new road! I can drive on it to get to all those businesses that …closed. Crap.

The article is well written, pointed, and an enjoyable read, like most fiction. Unfortunately, this fictionalized version of the Stimulus package is the new rallying cry for the Left. Why? Well, they think they might need to sell it to us just one more time.

The 2009 American Recovery and Reinvestment Act did a lot of things. Firestone (truly the name of a worthy adversary) claims it saved or created 2.5 million jobs. And whichever economist on Team Obama thought up that brilliant phrase got a promotion and a yacht. Think about that: saved or created. How can that ever be quantified, what is the threshold? I put out the trash this morning, that saved one sanitation worker’s job. I bought a cup of coffee (or five) and saved two baristas’ jobs. And they saved a coffee bean farmer’s job by buying those coffee beans, so I get credit for that one, too. On Spotify, I listened to Cat Power and bought some stuff on Amazon. I’m a god-damned humanitarian. You know what else we call saving or creating jobs? Engaging in a complex economy. I’m going to go on the record, right now, and state I’ve saved 2,500,001 jobs in my lifetime and announce my candidacy for 2012.

Same deal when he says the Stimulus saved America from 12% unemployment. Firestone seems to think that because you can’t disprove a negative, it is fair game. But why not go big? I say, the ARRA kept us from 100% unemployment, and my sunny disposition kept it from raining today.

I don’t know if we could have ever hit 12% unemployment. The measurement is skewed in such a way, reflecting only people actually actively looking for a job, so as that pool grows with displaced workers, and the search gets all the more competitive, people with less desirable skills generally drift away from the workforce. I’m not one of those underemployment nuts (who cites a number around 17% just for headlines), but there is a reason why unemployment generally stays between 6-10%. Jay Leno made the joke that Obama, happy to hear that unemployment dropped, encouraged more people to give up searching for jobs. And of course Obama didn’t really do that, his economic policies handled that just fine.

A large chunk of money was reinvested into our infrastructure, which President Barack “You didn’t build that” Obama credits for creating jobs. So we created all the right condition for the recovery, we just never really did the recovery part. The roads look good though.

Firestone points to the $1.5 billion directed at subsidizing rent and mortgage control, as well as increases to food stamps, Medicaid, etc. While these are important to help struggling families weather the fiscal storm, that is not stimulus. That is stoploss. That is artificially creating a floor for the poorest of Americans waiting for things to get better. Except thing have not gotten better, economic conditions are still abysmal, and we bought time that resulted in nothing. Conditions have just been inflated by constant federal money pumping through the economy, but lipstick on a pig does not make a lady (trust me, I’m from Indiana, I’ve seen it tried).

The problem isn’t that the Stimulus failed miserably. The problem is that is was a dazzling big number with a suspicious number of lumps going back towards large Obama campaign supporters, between big labor and most notably energy company Solyndra, whose biggest investor George Kaiser coincidentally donated $33,600 to Obama ’08.

Don’t get me wrong, I love it when journalists rehash old numbers and hope to get new results (call it super math) and have to write an article to convince others (Hey, remember the Great Recession? Us neither, wasn’t it grand?). But I’m going to make one of my famous Grosser predicitions: When you are an old man or lady, long after I’ve gunned down due to a international cheese incident, historians are going to look back and teach your grandkids (in future school) that the ARRA saved America, that it really was the New New Deal. This is going to be a constant historical clashing point between ideologies, and Stimulus supporters will constantly find new numbers to say the same hopelessly silly mantra: Isn’t it wonderful how Government can fix everything?

History used to be written by the winners, now it is written by the children of privilege who, going to Harvard, didn’t have to actually live through it. And when you try tell your grandkids what it was really like, they won’t believe you, like you never believed your grandparents, and you’ll finally understand the word irony.

-Brian Gross

Brian is just angry that the Federal Government turned down his “Self-sustaining Coffee Farm in the Kitchen”. Make him happier by sending some traffic his way.

What Anti-American Protests in the Middle East Reveal

This Week in “What the Funk Just Happened in the Middle East”. A quick recap: things got wacky.

Can you spot Waldo in this picture? He gets himself into the wackiest situations…

Getting the stories on recent Mideast uprising developments is tough. Everyone has a version, everyone has a spin, and everyone has one more detail that no one else can collaborate. Essentially, however, there are two sides: the explanations from POTUS (abbrved POS) mouthpiece Jay Carney, and the side I will be summarizing. And I have three things on my side that Carney’s missing out on: some common sense, a pot of coffee brewing, and the truth (I’ll be relying heavily on number two).

In Libya, Ambassador J. Christopher Stevens died in an attack of the American Embassy to Libya in Benghazi on September 11th, 2012. The attack lasted four hours, leaving two other Americans dead. The official story is that Stevens died of smoke inhalation while our Libyan friends heroically carried him to a hospital. However, that heroic carry may also been parading. Reports have also been leaked that Stevens may have been sodomized before death. (Outside the Lost universe, I don’t know any smoke that could pull that). This story has largely been denied but not completely extinguished. It is missing from the official reports and I am doubtful that we will ever know for certain.

The allegation is that the protests stemmed from an anti-Muslim movie trailer to a film that probably doesn’t exist which has been on YouTube since July. Because that is apparently how you respond to things in the Middle East. Four months late. At an Embassy. With an RPG. (Similar to complaining to Wall Street for an undercooked burger made in China at someone’s house. Of course they’re to blame!) And oh yeah, that whole thing that it was on 9/11? Not on purpose. No one even checked their calendars that morning.

I’m not paid to think that there are coincidences out there (psyche, I’m not paid at all!) And a whopping one is sitting in front of us. Sure, I know that extremist muslims hate when we talk about the Prophet Muhammad (crap, I think I just got fatwa’ed) or draw pictures of him (remember those Danish cartoonists? Lest we forget), but who shows up to a protest with an RPG? To complain to an embassy about what their people do? And think that, by the same double-standard, we shouldn’t just bomb Libya in retaliation? (we shouldn’t, by the way, but how ironic would that be?)

While the Obama administration and State Department denied that the attacks were preplanned, the President of Libya, Mohamed Magariaf, says that it is clear they had been premeditated for months by an outsider group and that the Libyan intelligence agency had warned of a potential attack up to three days before.

The Egyptian consulate had the foresight to apologize for the video before the attacks (spoiler, they were still attacked). In a disturbing statement, the embassy said that it “condemns the continuing efforts by misguided individuals to hurt the religious feelings of Muslims – as we condemn efforts to offend believers of all religions.” Three prong reaction.

1. Why is it their duty to apologize or condemn these statements? These are Americans who understand that other Americans have the freedoms to do whatever the funk they want, even stupid stuff. The movie (if it was really made) was probably a waste of money. Do I condemn him for making it? No #1stamendment.

2. Continued efforts? What, by stupid people? Like all these people who have mentioned the Prophet Muhammed (oops I did it again!) are in a league together (Muahahaha, we’ll get those Muslims’ religious feelings! And their little dog, too!).

3. When has the Egyptian embassy released a statement condemning the treatment of Jesus Christ in anything? Or Moses? Watch an episode of Family Guy, tell me how many religious jokes I should be bringing an RPG to their studios over (answer? #1stamendment). If they claim that they are as sensitive to all religious sensibility, then they better back it up. In all reality, I don’t really care, because I know that other people’s opinions about my religion have absolutely no bearing on anything. As long as I have the freedom to worship it, I don’t need the state interceding and condemning anything.

The American Embassy in Egypt was breached, the American flag was torn down, replaced with the black flag of Al Qaeda. It seems like coming out and saying “Hey, no, we’re on your side, we’re just as mad as you!” doesn’t really do much.

Such destruction. Such senseless destruction.

Protests, riots and attacks have continued on embassies in Pakistan, Afghanistan, Yemen and as well as others. Al Qaeda has come out in a statement encouraging more attacks on embassies (Al Qaeda… don’t I know that name from somewhere? Those are those extremist film critics, right?) One thing has become indelibly clear, however: killing Bin Laden did not cripple the terror network. As much as we all bought into the hype, as we heard about Osama’s plan to assassinate Obama and leave bumbling Joe Biden in command to wrought his own chaos, about how well stocked the compound was and how much information was filtered in and out through OBL, the clear fact is that it was a moral victory, not a strategic one. Osama’s death does not even have the weight we intended because those dedicated to his cause make his death more of a rallying cry than a caveat emptor.

What the Anti-American Protests in the Middle East reveal (omg he said the title!) is simply that there is still strong Anti-American sentiment in the region, and it hasn’t been mollified by the current administration. In fact, it might have gotten worse, because a good number of Middle East countries bought into the Hope and Change rhetoric and assumed it would mean a cessation to American interventionist policies. With the Obama administration’s choices to arbitrarily back winning horses in “popular uprisings” in Libya and Syria while leaving the Green Movement in Iran to themselves (and a very angry Mahmoud Ahmadinejad), with their classic double-speak calling the clearly-undemocratic illiberal Muslim Brotherhood’s takeover of Egypt part of the “Arab Spring” while Obama says that Egypt is neither a friend nor foe, it has taken four years for them to shape a foreign policy as clear as mud.

Essentially, the Middle-East is the ex-girlfriend we really really really funked over. No matter what we try or say, we’re never making that one right. There is always going to be some resentment, so getting drunk and leaving her message at 2:33 am telling her we’ve changed will only get you a restraining order from the state of Illinois… I mean, will only lead to future disappointment.

At the risk of being honor-killed, I’ll lay out the real problem between America and many extremist Muslim-dominant countries: different ideologies. The Obama administration has carefully tried to present this situation as an abnormality in an otherwise improved relationship. I suggest that the instability stemming from the Arab Spring led to the calm in protests geared towards America (because they were too busy with each other) and that many of these groups recognized that Uncle Sam loves backing underdogs in revolutions. That doesn’t mean they like us. In fact, with some semblance of calm in the region these countries have returned to their favorite past-time: burning American flags and calling us the Great Satan.

Don’t blame some Youtube video (which is really hilarious, by the way) for the fact that Muslims from Middle Eastern countries have a very different interpretation of free speech and religious freedom than Americans. And don’t try to pawn that off as the reason someone shot an RPG at an embassy; reactions to the video are a symptom of a deep, longstanding hatred for American values that has not been ameliorated by some spotty assistance to revolutions and by a paltry couple of billion dollars we’ve been sending in aid. If anything, it just reminded a few people “oh yeah, hate America today.” And unfortunately, despite the fact that President Obama promised that the day he’s inaugurated Muslim hostilities will ease, he’s been more talk than action on that change.

It just took a few years for the Libya, Egypt, Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iran, Iraq, Yemen and countless other Middle East countries to realize that the more things change, the more they stay the same.

-Brian Gross

Brian is a devout Satirist living in the Great Satan who really really really really doesn’t want to be fatwa’d. Promote his pro-humor, anti-honor killing agenda by recommending him to someone you know who needs a little Republican Funk in their lives.

CTU Strikes Back

“Karen Lewis has got to get paid, son” -CTU President Karen Lewis.

Post this one in the “Grosser called it” column.

On Sunday at midnight, the Chicago Teachers Union declared that they were walking away from negotiations and going on strike, leaving the Chicago Public Schools holding the bag (full of uneductated children).

Classic labor versus capitalist pig bosses, right? Well, no. This isn’t the Wisconsin teachers against Gov. Scott Walker, an ideological fight between parties. Chicago is a city almost solely run by Democrats. Illinois is primarily blue. The Governor is a Democrat. Hometown of Barack Obama. Even the bums are prescreened for political affiliation (but if you’re looking for handouts, you’re probably already a democrat. Am I right, folks?)

You know things are dire in Chicago when, in a labor debate, I’m rooting for Rahm Emanuel (no, really, Rahmmy, I’m with you.)

Democrats are the friends of big labor, Democrats are the ones who talk about stripping away No Child Left Behind, paying teachers generous sums, revamping schools, pumping money into education. That’s what I thought, at least while Democrats are opposition.

And being the opposition is what Democrats do best. They have wonderful ideas for forming a eutopic society, free of guns, crime, with happy teachers in every classroom and students who can read good in some of them. Also no one is fat.

When it comes to implementation, however, we get to see the math behind the theory. (Spoil alert: it doesn’t work). But in summation, Chicago Public Schools are staring down the barrel of a 1 ba-ba-billion shortfall next year. So of course, the teachers want their cut.

Negotiations broke down over a few contention points: salary increases, school day length, number of teachers, teacher evaluations and job security. So surely Rahm spat on a piece of paper, offered it, and told them to get to work, right?

No, unfortunately, Mayor Rahm Emanuel is no Gov. Chris Christie. Here are the things that were offered when the teachers walked from the table:

1. 16% pay increase over 4 years, jumped from the original offer of 2%.

2. 477 new teachers to be hired to increase art classes and relieve some of the burden on teachers on the lengthened day.

3. Guarantee that high school teachers would only teach 5 classes in a day.

4. Guarantee that laid off teachers would get 12 months pay as well as an interview for any openings.

This atop the fact that teachers are making on average $76,000 a year. Or, more precisely, $76,000/9mos, because working year-round is not mandatory.

Folks at home, struggling to pay the bills (Recessionites, I like to call ourselves), collect your jaws. You have to understand where the teachers are coming from when they turned down such a fabulous deal.

These benefits all mean nothing without stripping principals of the power to remove failing teachers and regulate teacher evaluations. Because surely you would not fault them, having all this cake, to eat it too. They set themselves up a cushy deal where they are only expected to pass around 60%, hardly half of those students at grade level, and you can’t think they wouldn’t secure themselves in position.

Karen Lewis has claimed that the new teacher evaluation system will lead to as many as 6,000 teachers being laid off. Rahm has replied that that number is obviously exaggerated and that he apparently has more confidence in the teachers than CTU. I say, sucks to suck, teachers.

Again, we here at Republican Funk love teachers. We think its a challenging, noble profession that demands self sacrifice and eats up the rest of your life. That said, its easy to pick out the slime that clearly isn’t doing it for the challenge or for the love of the children.

So to watch CTU teachers imitating Occupy Wallstreet tactics, marching into the streets, flaunting the facts that they want more when some don’t have any is downright heartbreaking. Especially for the parents who are suddenly left with their kids, many of whom have two working parents, watching these teachers purposefully interrupt Loop trains and marching up and down streets mid-rush hour traffic.

The strike has also pitted Rahm against former boss and Chicago’s son Barack Obama, who has kept silent during the ongoings but has previously voiced support for CTU. While campaigning for his job back, it wouldn’t serve Obama well to be caught on either side, but Emanuel’s tacet ties with the administration strain Obama’s attempts to stay in the middle ground.

Rahm Emanuel has already insisted on returning students to the classrooms and negotiators to the table. (I don’t know if Karen Lewis can take any more of that marching around). Students are still out of the classrooms as of Thursday with rumors of a possible return to classes on Friday. Time will tell, but Grosser can guess.

Teacher Strike Results:

Rahm puts a forbearance on the implementation of the new teacher evaluation, classes resume mid-next week, teachers grumble enough to force negotiations again in two years, and we deal with this again. Oh, and maybe Karen Lewis gives Jimmy Hoffa a visit under Jets Stadium for having angered Rahm.

The worst result from the strike? (No, not the uneducated kids, they are already not getting taught while in school) this forced Rahm Emanuel into becoming an accidental Republican. Fighting big labor? Advocating school choice? Getting support from Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan for your stance? Expect your placard and edible arrangement soon, Rahmmy, and I’ll teach you the secret Republican handshake if you just meet me over the border where it’s safe.

Conservative; An RNC Reflection

You heard the man.

If you are reading this, there are a few things I can safely assume without running the risk of making an ass out of anyone (you and me included). You are young, because you found a thing that was on the internet. You’re right leaning, middle, or at least indifferent, because I’ve received a surprisingly low amount of hate-mail. And if you’re like me, you’ve found a sparse amount of political writing from Republicans who weren’t either mind-bogglingly isolationist or terrifyingly imperialistic (I’m both), with such a high opinion of their own moral code that you’d think you were reading a puritan time traveller (they have those?). Or, you are possibly Jeffrey Thomas, Paul Ryan’s and my arch-nemesis, scanning my treatise for an accidentally revealed weakness (keep reading, my Wisconsonian foe, I’ve revealed nothing!)

But I’m fired up after the Republican National Convention and it has made me consider exactly why being a Republican feels so good at a time like this. And I think it is because, for once, the politicians might stick to the Conservative Ideals they so proudly tout during the primaries.

A side note: despite the title of the blog, I am not strictly a Republican. I am foremost a Conservative, and if the Dog-Wrangling Australian Philharmonic Party promised smaller government, a return to fiscal discipline, and a sound foreign policy based on long term interests and not flash-in-the-pan revolutions, then I’d identify with them and try to push the DWAPP acronym as far as it would go.

After the Todd Akin debacle, understanding the difference between Republican and Conservative is crucial for this election. What Todd Akin rambled about is often confused for Conservative values, and it’s a senatorial race ,not a values referendum. The fiscal issues are a winning ticket alone, with no need to start shredding our P.R. with moral nonsense. Mitch Daniels suggested a truce on social issues during his short lived bid for the ticket and was lambasted from primary-darlings like Newt Gingrich and Rick Perry. But that is exactly what country needs: some focus on what fight we want to fight right now.

If you are a politician running for a seat on the hill, listen up. You know those things you feel about other people and the way they live their lives? Say them to yourself in the mirror in the morning and then never again for the rest of your day. The public sphere is no place to spout those beliefs. They are your own, keep it that way. Liberals do a good enough job telling the country who we must accept (everyone) and who we must bully (rich white people). Don’t stoop to their level in picking what people should like.

A recent study has proven that the possibility of gay marriage has not raised the deficit one cent. Legitimate rapes have not affected the burden on the struggling middle class. And yet Republican nominees are pissing away perfectly good momentum to revive the ancient position of the Censor.

The role of the politician is not to dictate what they consider morally right, but to decide on the role of the government within the lives of the people. And to do so by the approval of the people.

Presently, the threat to our nation is expansive role of the Government in the lives of the people. The current administration has decided to take over the Healthcare industry, pick winning horses among the motor companies, tell churches that they must fund healthcare plans that include abortions in a clear transgression of the separation of Church and State. What worse way to respond than to tell the voters how the Republicans will invade your lives with a different agenda?

Clint Eastwood stated this best during his speech that “There are a lot of conservative people, a lot of moderate people, Republicans, Democrats, in Hollywood. It is just that the conservative people by the nature of the word itself play closer to the vest. They do not go around hot dogging it.” (If this didn’t get you so pumped up that you watched A Fistful of Dollars, crying and humming the Star-Spangled Banner, nothing ever will).

This is the exactly attitude we need going into the next two months. No hot dogging opinions when the facts do fine. It should not be a question of whether gay marriage is right or wrong, but how can we make it so that the most amount of people are involved with the decision making process (vote at the State level?). It shouldn’t be a question of the morality of abortion, but the right of an institution to determine morality. In short, for the Republicans to win in the fall, the election must be a referendum on the philosophy Reagan stated so eloquently “In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem; government is the problem.”

This belief was not unique to 1981. It is a reoccurring theme in the American people’s battle against a well-meaning, paternalistic government that has come to look unknowingly like the British Empire it rebelled against.

Liberalism in America fails because it relies on the belief that the best answer for any problem must come from the Government. The idea is that the country is not perfect, but that it is perfectable through constant intervention by the benevolent State. Republicans can’t respond to this with the opposite opinion, but consistently question the value of expansive role of the government against the loss of liberty.

The DNC launched a video recently that claims “The Government is the only thing we all belong to.” Outside the idea that by belong, they meant are owned by, which because of their lazy use of language is directly implied by the phrase, the video seems to mean that the only thing that unites us is the Government under which we exist. The idea is that, beyond of any religious affiliation or idea of a universal human connection, the Government is the only power that binds us together. And, judging by the way the Obama campaign blames the rich while extending their tax-cuts, I guess the Government is the only thing that turns us against each other, too.

If this idea, that the Government is the most important of all your connections to your fellow man, terrifies the piss out of you, congratulations, you just might be a Conservative.

-Brian Gross

Brian is a self-proclaimed enemy of the little man. Help Brian’s anti-midget agenda by sharing this article with friends, family, and that new girl in the office. You know, that cute girl that told you her name but you forgot, so you keep saying “Hey, you” when she walks by, but she’s totally on to you that you forgot. Yeah, share it with her, too.